Those Words given by My Parent That Saved Me during my time as a New Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a broader inability to communicate between men, who often absorb harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a break - spending a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."